PJO fan mail
by Pizza Rocks
Summary: A Percy Jackson fan mail! Pretty much what the title says.
1. The beginning

**I came up with this one day really fast. Don't blame me!**

**Answering Mail with PJO!**

**No ones POV**

Inside an abandoned warehouse something was happening. There was loud noises and drilling coming from it.

Inside, there was a group of builders turning it into a giant theater.

A boy was waiting impatiently for something. Suddenly, 4 boys and 3 girls appear out of nowhere.

" Finally! I thought he quit his job!" said the boy impatiently.

" Sorry boss, They're hard to catch." says a man that also appeared out of nowhere.

" The emo one went to the underworld, the one with green eyes took the rest and went underwater. Well, I say he took the rest, but he didn't take the one over there." Said the man gesturing over at Luke.

" I'm not emo!" screamed Nico.

" I know you aren't Nico." Says the boy whose name is Ben, but chooses to call himself Pizza.

" Well, I bet you want to know why you're here. You are here for people to write mail to you and you have to answer it. Oh and Bill, you can leave now." Said Pizza.

" Oh no, not another of those fan mail things." Groaned Annabeth.

" Yes and no, it will be fan mail, but we also answer hate mail." Said Pizza.

While all this goes on Luke tries to escape, but finds that Pizza is by the door casually blocking it.

" Oh no you don't Luke, you aren't very liked in the audience, and I have a million ways to make your life hell.

While Pizza's talking the others look franticly for an exit. But, of course they don't find one.

" I need a tin can." Moaned Grover.

Pizza finds a tin can and tosses it to Grover.

" Here you go goat boy." Says Pizza.

Percy tries to flood the room with water, but fails miserably.

" Your water and other things won't work unless I want them to. I'm the auth- I mean host and nothing happens unless I say so." Explains Pizza.

Thalia tries to shoot an arrow but her arrow became glued to the bow, and the bow is frozen.

" Told you so." Said Pizza smugly. " I'm sorry to say, but the recording time is up! So join us next time for: Mail with PJO!

**The End!**

**So, how was it? This is my first not chat/script (as fanfiction puts it.) fic! Hope you liked it! If you have mail, just send it to me and I might use it and give each person that sends one in a cake!**


	2. The first piece

**I got enough reviews to do this again! Also, I'll try to update every day. If I get enough reviews. :D**

**Answering mail with PJO!**

" And….. we're on!" Said Pizza. " We got some mail!"

" Oh no, please no!" Moaned Nico.

" Oh and we have a special guest!" Said Pizza, ignoring Nico. " We have…. Rachel! I put her on so I can hate her!"

" Also, know what I really hate? Puke! It's a combo of Percy and Luke! It's so retarded!" Ranted Pizza.

While this was happening Percy noticed there were no stairs!

" Um, why are there no stairs down from the stage?" Said Percy nervously.

" So you can't get down. Also, I have rabid Mary Sues to get you guys here. " Explained Pizza.

Right on cue a bunch of Mary Sues appeared.

" Be nice and I won't feed you to them." Said Pizza. " So, let's get started! The first piece of mail comes from Muzica!" Said Pizza evilly.

Dear Thalia,

Have you ever regretted joining the Hunters? What is the best thing that's  
happened to you since then?

xxx Possible Hunter Recruit xxx 

Dear Percy,

What was the first thing you thought of when Annabeth kissed you during the  
second to last chapter of TLO?

Love,

Percabeth fanatic 

Dear Nico,

I know you aren't emo. I hope that you never go emo. I don't mind you  
dressing in black, as long as you remember to wash behind your ears each  
night, and you don't stay out later than midnight. Be good!

Hugs and Kisses,

Your Great-Aunt-Bertha

Sup G-man?

One question: if a Keeper is assigned to me, will he follow me around without  
stopping and insist I call him whenever I want to go somewhere? It is so  
annoying, and I am trying to figure out whether the annoying kid at my school  
is a satyr or not...and he won't let me get close enough to pull his shoes  
off. Or his pants. I'm desperate, dude!

Joe Burton 

Dearest Annabeth,

Would you care to join me for dinner on Saturday evening, seven pm at the Red  
Lobster down town? I would be delighted if you could oblige my request...

With Love,

Your Secret Admirer 

Luke-

Would you mind picking up your stuff once and a while? I thought Connor was  
the one leaving our cabin in a mess, but I caught you being a slob on camera.  
Unless you want the whole camp to see the wonderfully mushy love letter you  
wrote to Echindna, I'd pick up your crap.

-Travis Stoll

(PS you don't want to see my creative love-letter-writing abilities...) 

" Yes, all that is from one person." Said Pizza. " I got five four more."

" Well, no I've never regretted joining the Hunters. The best thing is the no boy thing." Said Thalia.

" Ow that hurt." Said Pizza, injured.

" It's true. I don't like boys. Especially you Pizza." Thalia said angrily.

" OK I'll answer mine now." Said Percy. " Well the first thing that I thought was, wow. And then my brain kind of went into shock." Said Percy, blushing.

Luke had tried to get away but the Mary Sues all stared angrily at him, because no one likes Luke. Except for some people. So, Luke didn't get away.

" Oh and if your wondering why the PJO characters I mean people, are so well behaved, I trained them!" Said Pizza, excitedly.

" No!" Yelled everybody.

" Well, it's my turn." Said Nico. " Well, I'm not emo and I don't plan to be."

" Next!" Pizza yelled impatiently.

" OK , OK." Said Grover. "There is no way to get them away when they don't want to. I would know. If you can't pull off his shoes, then hold a tin can close to his nose and he'll drool slightly."

" Gross." Said Annabeth. " And no, I won't go out with you. Sorry" She said not sorry at all.

" Yeah we all know that your boyfriend is Percy." Pizza said, rolling his eyes.

" I won't clean up!" Said Luke, VERY stupidly.

Then, out of nowhere out pops Travis.

" This will be fun!" He cackled.

After he says that he disappears.

" Who cackles anymore?" Said Pizza. " Well I don't care since our time is up!"

The camera grows dim and the show is over.

**The End!**

**What did you think? I only had time to do one but later I'll post another! Bye! Goodnight and Big Balls. (Wipeout reference!)**


	3. More mail! duh

**As you can see, I'm back! **** Time for more mail! ( See, told you I'd make another!)**

**Fan Mail With PJO!**

" Back again!" Exclaimed Pizza. " And the next piece come from…. Anna b

Nico,

I know it's sudden but will you go on a date with me. If you say no that's  
fine, I'll only feel so rejected the I'll kill myself and hope you come after  
me. Ever heard the song your love is my drug by Kesha? You know that line  
that says " up all night hoping hitting my head against the wall". That's what  
I'm gonna look like tonight.

Sincerely, Anna

" Um, FANGIRL! HELP HELP HELP!" Yelled Nico.

" Calm down, I'll just put a little persuasion, like Mary Sues that'll marry you, one by one if you don't go Nico." Threatened Pizza.

" Ok, I'll go." Said Nico nervously.

" OK next! This one is by….. Invader Jemi! People from my Artemis Fowl fic would know her/him." Said Pizza.

Nico: ...I'm an insane fangirl. And. I. Love. You. So. Much.

Percy: Dude, I'm your half-sister, and I'm super-not-happy about it. I,  
personally, think you're annoying. But that is just me.

Annabeth: I've ranted about how I hate you sooooooooooooooo many times, I'm  
getting sick of it. You are spared. For now.

Thalia: Still a Hunter, I see. You're one of my favorite characters!

Luke: You are so evil. I hate you! Yet...I don't hate you...hmm, you are  
spared as well.

Grover: HI GOAT DUDE! :P

Sorry, I had a Mocha with extra expresso! OMG THE ROOM IS SPINNING! Teehee...

Nah, I'm completely sane. Actually, you people are the insane ones. I should  
know. I'm a genius.

Well, I must bid thee farewell (Zoe was awesome. I wish she had lived!). 'Till  
next time, friends!

" Not another." Groaned Nico.

" I'm scared, I'm sooo scared!" Said Annnabeth.

" Why are you going so fast!" Said Pizza angrily.

Luke tries to run again, but gets eaten by Mary Sues because they hate him.

" Bring him back Nico." Said Pizza impatiently.

Nico brings him back, and in a second Luke is a little paler, but still alive.

" I'm glad I'm liked." Said Thalia, in a tone that implies she's not glad at all.

" HI!" Said Grover.

" Was the mocha good?" Asked Pizza.

While they talk Rachel has managed to escape! She runs back home and opens the door to find… that she's back on the stage.

She groans and wondered if Pizza had any powers.

" OK next one! This one comes from…. 0-daughter-of-Poseidon-0!"

OH fun!

to Clarisse, Nico, Silena, Charlie, Bianca, and Zoe,

I don't have a question but I just wanted to say that you are all my favorite  
characters! and all but 3 of you are dead...

-Emily

To Mr. Riordan, (does he answer questions? I don't care I'll ask anyway)

WHY DID YOU KILL OF 4 OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS! Don't feel offended by my  
internet yelling i asked J.K Rowling the same thing. (but you're better than  
her :))

" Sadly to say, half of those aren't there." Said Pizza sadly. " Next!" This is from () don't ask."

So, this is a question for Annabeth. Does your Mother know that you kissed  
Percy? And if so, how did she react?

N.C

P.S BURN IN TARTURUS LUKE! Percy is WAY cooler than you!

" No, she didn't." Said Annabeth looking around.

" Yeah I'm cooler than Luke!" Said Percy happily.

" Why don't you like me!" Wailed Luke.

" Because you suck." Said Pizza calmly. " And We're off !"

**The End**

**So, how'd you like it? I need more mail. **** Please review! Pizza Rocks! **


	4. More!

**Well, I'm back! Again. On with the show!**

**Mail with PJO**

Back in the studio, Pizza was having a mocha.

" She was right, does taste like coffee and chocolate." He was muttering. " Oops, spoiler!"

" Well we're back, and ready for more!" Exclaimed Pizza

" Not me." Said Nico. " I've gone to the emo side."

" Well who cares!" Said Pizza " Let's do this!"

Percy-

You. Are. Frikin. AWESOME! I love you! You are way cooler than Thalia. And  
Luke. And most people. Except Grover and Annabeth are as awesome as you.  
You're amazing! Water powers are way cooler than lightning powers. *ducks*  
Yay! I didn't die! Until next time my love...

Grover-

Grover you are freaking amazing. You're as amazing as Percy. Who is really  
darn amazing. I mean- you eat tin cans! You can't get much cooler than that.  
If you're a vegetarian do you eat eggs and milk? Me luffles you! Because you  
are amazing! And so lovable! Hey do you produce goat milk? Bye! I LOVE YOU!

Annabeth-

You are amazing! You're so smart and pretty and strong! You're one of my  
favorite characters! And you have a Yankees cap! Are you a Yankees fan? And  
you can turn invisible! That's wicked awesome! You're as amazing as Grover and  
Percy! Considering how I basically worship them, that makes you one of the  
most amazing people ever.

Luke-

FALL IN A DITCH AND DIE! Nobody will miss you. Trust me. Shoo fly don't bother  
me! You're so irritating! BOO! HISS!

Thalia-

You're awesome. You were as awesome as Percy,Annabeth, and Grover before you  
joined the hunters. Not cool. You're still wicked awesome but not as awesome  
as before...but you are still amazing! And can you tell your daddio not to  
kill me? After what I said to Percy, I'm afraid I'll die. BYE! And tell Percy  
and Grover I luffles them!

" Wow. I know I'm firkin awesome, and I like water powers too. But, really? My love is so clichéd." Said Percy, being very annoying.

" I'm so glad someone luffles me! No, I can not produce goat milk. That is because I'm not a woman goat." Grover said happily.

" Luffles isn't a word." Said a surly teenager in a suit. " I think she means loves."

" Arty? I thought you were in my other fic. Oh well, remember the computer?" Pizza said.

A few seconds after Pizza got a computer and started typing. Immediately Artemis started screaming and burst into flames.

Shortly after he disappeared.

" Well, I'm glad I'm one of your favorite characters." Said Annabeth nervously. " By the way, please don't make me burst into flames."

" OK, but only because I'm in a good mood." Said Pizza, warning her.

" The emo side has burnt cookies!" Said Nico randomly.

" OK…. But Luke how do you react to that." Said Pizza.

" Luke, I am your father!" Said Nico, giggling.

" I thought it was mean." Said Luke.

" Well, to bad." Said Pizza.

Then, Pizza ran over to Luke, dug a ditch, and threw him in there.

After he threw him in there, he asked Nico for his sword.

Nico gladly gave it to him and Pizza stabbed Luke over and over again.

Luke died but Pizza shadow traveled to the underworld and brought him back.

" That's better." Said Pizza.

**(A/N: In case no one noticed my power is to use the power of others. Pretty good, no?)**

" Strangely, I don't care that Luke died." Said Percy. " I used to get all sad and want to kiss him."

" Oh no! Puke is coming! HELP!" Yelled Pizza, desperately.

" What's puke?" Asked Percy.

" Puke with a capital. It's a combo of Percy and Luke. But, it's going away." Said Pizza

Everybody gave a sigh of relief, but Annabeth was angry. She drew her knife and started to stab Luke over and over and over.

" OK, back to the underworld!" Said Pizza.

A while later he came back with Luke.

" OK, I'll tell Dad not to kill you." Said Thalia.

" That's all the time we have! Bye!" Said Pizza.

**The End**

**Just an update, I won't do too letters from same person. Sorry, but my e-mail inbox has five people waiting. But as a consolation you do get a brownie! Fresh Baked! Until next time, this is Pizza signing out. **


	5. Who is The Person

**Sorry for the wait! Here it is!**

**PJO mail**

In the studio, Pizza was sleeping. And strangely Luke was trying to kiss him.

" OH MY GOD LUKE!" Said Pizza, waking up abruptly. " I AM GONNA KILL YOU!"

Seconds after, Pizza summoned owls, skeletons, water, lightning, emo burnt cookies, blue plastic hair brush, an angry Clarisse, and a tin cans.

After, that he fried him with his computer.

Then he noticed he was being recorded and walked onto the stage.

" Welcome back! It's time to start the mail again! Today with us we have the whole camp in the audience!" Exclaimed Pizza. " Oh, and Luke tried to kiss me. Again."

" That's why he's pelted with owl droppings, has bones on him, is wet, is electrocuted, is covered in emo burnt cookie crumbs," Started Annabeth, but was cut off by Nico.

" Yummy, emo burnt cookies! They're very addicting because they have drugs in them!" Said Nico happily.

" Uh, I don't think that's good for you." Said Grover.

" I don't care!" Shouted Nico, suddenly angry.

" OK, our next piece comes from no chance. Here it is!" Exclaimed Pizza.

Luke-

Y didn't u say something to Thalia before you died? I liked you though.

Thalia-

Y did u REALLY join the Hunters?

Nico-

Do u still hold a grudge against the Hunters?

" Well, I don't like Thalia. I don't like you either. The only person I like is Pizza." Said Luke, looking at Pizza.

" AHH GAY GAY GAY GAY!" Yelled Pizza.

" I agree with Pizza." Said Thalia. " And I joined the Hunters to be immortal, and get away from the prophecy."

Pizza suddenly held his stomach and coughed. A few hours later he had to go to the hospital.

A doctor confirmed that Pizza had to stay at the hospital. So, he had to get a replacement.

" Hello. I will be your torturer while Pizza is away." Said a patch of air.

Then, someone or something with a helmet on appeared.

" Do you know who I am?" Said the mysterious person.

No one could answer, so he or she moved on.

**(A/N: I'll refer to the person as The Person.**

" Well, let me look at Pizza's inbox to see if he has mail." Said The Person. " Oh, well looks like we'll be stopping this short!"

As The Person said that, the screen fades out.

**The End**

**How was it? I'll give you a pie if you can figure out who The Person is. I thought I'd mix something up so I brought him in. So, send me mail, and I'll put it in! ( Maybe)**


	6. I give The Person a letter!

**I'll try to make it up to you guys by doing another!**

**PJO mail**

In the studio, Pizza came back. He was currently talking to The Person.

" Well, I don't know. I'm back quickly but no one knows who you are." Said Pizza. " But, I'll go back to the hospital and you'll stay here."

Briefly after saying that Pizza shadow traveled to the hospital.

" OK we're back!" Said The Person. " And we got mail!"

" Oh no, not again." Everyone groaned.

" Our first piece of mail comes from Call Me Bitter. Here it is!" Said The Person.

Hmmm...I have no idea! Ummm...the Voice from the Maximum Ride series?

Everyone other than Nico-

I already wrote to y'all and I doubt you want to go through that torture  
again. So i shall spare you. MWHAHA!

Nico-

I just reread the series. And now- I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU! You are sooooo  
awesome! You're as awesome as Percy and Annabeth and Grover! I don't care if  
your emo! Well it'd be cute if you had emo hair. I love emo hair. But if you  
don't have emo hair,don't worry. It is not a dealbreaker. And what deal am I  
speaking of? Our engagement of course! Remember? Anyways! Tell Percy and  
Grover that I still love them. But Percy has Annabeth and Grover has Juniper.  
And they're both damn vicious what someones messing with their men. I was  
thinking of a gothic theme for our wedding. What do you think, love? 

" FAIL" Shouted The Person. " I'M NOT THE VOICE!"

" OK, I'm glad we don't have to go through Call Me Bitter mail again." Said Nico, shuddering.

" Nico you weren't in it." Said Annabeth.

Nico reads through it and screams.

" I didn't get engaged!" Screamed Nico.

" Oh yes you did." Said The Person, readying his or her laptop.

" Now I remember." Said Nico with a nervous glance towards the laptop. " How could I forget."

" The next piece comes from Pizza himself." Said The Person.

I'm still in the hospital, but I hope The Person is torturing you. If he isn't feel lucky. This is what I have to say.

Luke- You suck! I wouldn't care if you became good! I'd still hate you! You're gay and retarded. GO TO HELL!

Others- You're OK, but I don't love you guys. Remember that. Also, you're good to torture.

" Wow. I didn't know Pizza hated me." Said Luke sadly. " But it's true. I'm gay and I love Pizza."

" EW!" Said Percy.

" I'm glad you think we're OK." Said Annabeth. " But, I don't like that you like to torture us."

" Until next time." Said The Person mysteriously.

The screen fades out.

**The End**

**I just figured out that I use too much dialog and not enough description. Tell me if you think that or not. Also, a clue. The Person is from a different book. So, this is Pizza signing out.**


	7. Authors Note

**Hey guys! Well, I was bored of the fan mail. Plus I was out of ideas. So, I'm going to do a new project. But, the thing is I can't think of anything. So, I need you guys to help me. Please send me ideas! Thanks, and until next time this is Pizza Rocks, signing out. P.S. The Person is Captain Holly Short from Artemis Fowl.**


End file.
